From 2014: I came out at work.

NOTE: Chelsea wrote this back in 2014. A lot has changed since then, so keep this in mind. This is the entirety of the tumblr post she wrote back then; nothing was changed or edited.

It was the work week beginning on Monday, January 6th. The new year was rather unremarkable thus far. It had gotten to the point in my transition where I could no longer continue pretending to be someone I wasn’t while at work; people constantly calling me “sir,” or he/him/his, etc. That week, my dysphoria had turned into a horrible monster, the fiercest it had ever been since before beginning HRT. I was falling apart; my panic attacks were getting worse every day and I grew tired of my constant fear of interacting with others. I reached my breaking point. Actually, I ended up going beyond my breaking point. I woke up on Thursday morning, January 9th, crying hysterically. The crying lasted for about two hours. I was done. I couldn’t do this anymore. I ended up taking the day off from work because there was no way I could do it all over again that day.

I always said that I’d come out at work when the time was right. I had now reached that point. I was ready to get the process started. That day, I wrote my initial coming out email to my company’s Human Resources team. I tried to keep it very professional and matter-of-fact. Here it is:

Subject: Important medical information that I need to disclose.

Hello,

I have some medical information about myself that I need to disclose.

I am transgender. This means that, both mentally and emotionally, I am, and always have been, female. Over the past nine months, I have been transitioning to living as a female.

On January 24th, 2014, I am submitting paperwork to the court to begin the process of changing my legal name from [redacted] to Chelsea Tera Boyhan.

I am disclosing this information with the hopes of getting the ball rolling on my transitioning at work. It is my wish to make this process go as seamlessly as possible, so please let me know if you have any questions/concerns and how I can assist.

Thank you,

C.

Note: I had begun signing all of my emails as “C.” months ago.

The next day, I tried going to work, but I was just as much of a wreck as I had been just the day before. I ended up walking out of work early and heading home. Once I got home, I clicked the “send” button, and off it went to HR. I got a response back twenty minutes later from one of the HR folks, and it basically just said, “Send us a copy of your Social Security card once you have your new one, and we’ll update your info.” O…kay…

I decided to wait a bit before responding. Maybe the HR lead was planning on responding? Maybe they were trying to figure out what to say or do? Who knows? But it made me really antsy.

Monday, January 13th, came and went with no more contact from HR. I decided that I needed to follow up and clarify things in case they couldn’t figure it out themselves. I wrote up my reply:

Hi,

Thank you for your response. The whole legal name change process should take about five weeks once I submit the paperwork to the court. I will forward a copy of my Social Security card once I have it.

I want to make sure that, after my name is legally changed, it is understood that I will begin presenting myself in a manner that matches my name and gender identity. There is also the subject of educating my co-workers about my transition and what exactly this means. This includes proper name and pronoun usage, what is or isn’t appropriate to say, etc. As of right now, I have not told anyone else in the company about this.

I understand that discrimination based upon gender identity and gender expression is illegal in Madison and Dane County, but I have noticed that the Employee Handbook does not explicitly include gender identity and gender expression amongst the protected statuses. Could this more inclusive language be added to the Employee Handbook?

As always, if you have any other questions or concerns, please let me know!

Thank you,

C.

Clicked “send” and then the wait begins once again. Six hours later, I miss a phone call from my company’s phone number, and then I get an email from the HR lead. To summarize, the email stated that HR is here to support me and that the employee handbook will be updated to include protections for gender identity/expression. She also requested that I give her a call back.

I called her back the following morning and we discussed things. I gave her permission to fill the executive director/general manager of my office in on the situation. At this point, I was feeling a lot of relief because the company now knew the truth. I set up a meeting with the GM on the morning of Thursday, January 16th.

The meeting went really, really well. We discussed a lot of things, and it was mostly just the GM reassuring me and convincing me that the company will support me, and he personally will protect me the best that he can. I will just say this - the GM, he is a wonderful man. I feel like he truly “gets it,” as much as a cisgender person can possibly get it. I gained a world full of respect for him that day, and, honestly, I now really look up to him as a leader and a friend. He made me feel like I was worth something, and that I was really, truly appreciated by the company. He made me feel like my coming out would not be an issue, and if anyone took issue with me, that he’d personally put them in their place.

I left the meeting with the GM feeling renewed. I felt like things were going to be okay. I gave him permission to fill in my manager and team lead with the details of what’s going on.

Side note: I am really grateful that I was always asked for permission before anyone else was brought up to speed on this.

I had meetings with my manager and my team lead the following week. The meetings were much shorter and were pretty much just them reassuring me that they would support me 100%. After all of these meetings, I knew that it was finally time to let everyone else know what was going on.On Friday, January 24th, I took the day off from work. It was a huge day for me. This was the day where I would finally begin the process of changing my legal name. I got all dressed up and headed over to my credit union. I tell the clerk that I need some paperwork notarized, so they notify one of the personal bankers. They call me into their office and ask me what my account number is. So, I tell her. She, of course, finds it under another name. She asks to see my ID, and I take it out but make sure she knows that I don’t have it updated yet. She takes a look at it and seems a bit surprised, because I guess I “pass” well enough that she didn’t even think twice about it. She was a total sweetheart, though. Very nice and respectful. After about ten minutes, I have my paperwork notarized, so I head to the Dane County Courthouse.

I made a bad decision that morning. I parked in the nearest parking garage and walked to the courthouse. The problem: it was well below zero degrees outside with wind chill, and the courthouse was three blocks away from the parking garage. Ha!

I get to the courthouse and pass through security. At this point, I am really excited. I look for the Clerk’s office and get into an elevator…only to realize that the clerk’s office was on the first floor near the entrance. So, I ride up to the 4th floor, then right back down to the first floor. I get in line and wait. Within three minutes, I am called up to the next available clerk.

“I need to file this name change paperwork,” I say, handing a bundle of papers to her. She looks through them and has me fill out a section that I missed. I fill it out and pay my filing fees ($169.50). She assigns me a judge and sends me off to the fourth floor, where I had just been moments earlier!

I walk out of the elevator and find my judge’s clerk. I hand her the paperwork. She looks it over and then says to me that the judge has been in a trial all day, and will be pretty busy for the rest of the day. She asks me for my phone number so that she can call me back once the judge signs the paperwork. A bit disappointed, I walk back to my car. I didn’t get a call back from the courthouse that day.

When I got home, I decided that I was going to write my coming out email to my coworkers. I knew exactly what I needed to say, so I just wrote it all out. Here is that email:

Subject: Please read.

Hello team,

Over the past year, I am sure many of you have noticed that I have always been a bit distracted, and, as time has passed, have only become more and more reclusive. It was never my intention to come off as rude or as a jerk towards others; but, given my circumstances, my behavior was one of the only ways I knew how to cope with what had been going on in my life.

I’ve never given anyone the chance to actually get to know me. Though, to be perfectly honest, it’s hard to let people get to know you when you’re spending your days trying to be someone that you’re not. There came a point where I could no longer keep doing this. I realized that, if I wanted to live to see 30, I needed to fix this; I needed to be honest with myself and to be honest with others.

You may recall me joking about how there were “too many people named [redacted] that work here” and how I should just get a name change. Well, despite my playing it off as a joke, there was actually truth behind what I was saying. Today, on January 24th, 2014, I submitted my legal name change paperwork to the Dane County Courthouse.

My name is Chelsea Tera Boyhan. I am transgender. I’ve known this my whole life, but I thought I could hide this fact from everybody. I can’t, not anymore.

So, what exactly does it mean to be transgender? To put it simply, this means that I identify as female; both mentally and emotionally, I am female. This has been something that I’ve known since I was very young. This is something that will never change.

I’ve been transitioning to living my life as “Chelsea” for the past nine months. I can honestly say that this has been the best experience of my life. I’m the happiest I’ve ever been, and I no longer feel like I’m some sort of “broken” person anymore. I no longer wake up every day wishing I were dead. I am filled with hope and excitement for the future.

I ask that, effective immediately, everyone begins referring to me by my real name, Chelsea, as well as with female pronouns (she/her/hers). I also ask that people avoid referring to me casually as “man,” “bro,” “dude,” etc. I do realize that “old habits die hard” or whatever, so I will give people some slack if they make mistakes, but I do expect everyone to make an effort. I will politely correct you if you make a mistake, but if I sense that you’re intentionally referring to me with the wrong name/pronouns, I will take offense. I also ask that you see me like any other woman in the office, because that’s all I really am.

Also, please note that, beginning the week of February 3rd, I will start presenting myself as “Chelsea” at work.

I realize that this is a lot to take in, and that you may be confused or have questions or concerns. I am pretty much an open book, and all I really want is for everyone to be able to understand. If you have anything that you’d like me to address to help you understand better, please let me know. Also know that inappropriate questions will not be addressed, and I will let you know if a question (or anything else, for that matter) is inappropriate. Basically, if you wouldn’t ask the question to another woman in the office, chances are that it’s not an appropriate question to ask.

I want to thank each and every one of you for your support and for taking the time to read this. I am looking forward to working with everyone and for you all to finally get to meet me again for the first time!

Thank you!

Chelsea

I read the email and reread it over and over to make sure it was perfect. I felt that it was. I kind of began freaking out about it. I had it all ready to send, and all I had to do was click that “send” button. I knew I had do to it. I couldn’t hide anymore. I somehow found the courage to finally click that button. I sent it and promptly closed Outlook.

It was probably at least a half hour before anyone responded. The HR lead responded and thanked me for being so open, candid, and professional and reassured me that she will be there to support me. Another team member responds and says she applauds my actions. One more person responds, congratulates me and tells me that they have a whole new respect for me, and also tells me something rather unexpected about themself. I won’t go into details about that. But by this point, I had an unremovable smile on my face.

Weekend comes and goes and it’s Monday again. Everyone now knows the truth. Almost everybody seems to be supportive, sans a certain…person. But they will probably come around. They have to.

All in all, this week has been excellent. It’s a bit annoying to still be presenting in guy mode, but the good news is that it’s almost over. For good. On February 3rd, I will be heading to work as myself for the first time in my life. I am excited. I never thought this day would ever come.

I am going to say some things that it took me over 30 years to finally say, truthfully, with all of my heart:

I am happy. I love myself. I love life.

Things are looking up. I can see all of the pieces coming together, and it is amazing. I am excited for what the future brings, and I’ve never felt this way before.

I used to constantly say to myself, “I hate people!” That was then. Now, I feel I can honestly say that people aren’t all bad. If it weren’t for those who have supported me through all of this, I don’t know what I would have done. I couldn’t have done any of this without help from others.

I still have a long way to go. But I feel that I’m finally past the worst part. I don’t know what will happen in the future, but I am ready for it. Bring it on!

<3,

Chelsea